Thoughts On Hosting
I like having people over.
Not in a “perfect table setting” way (although that can be fun), and not because I consider myself wildly skilled at it. I like the feeling of shared space — food on the counter, people lingering longer than planned, conversations that don’t need an agenda.
For a long time, though, hosting felt like more than I had room for. Between graduate school, an internship, and working at the same time, my days were already full. By the time people arrived, I was often running on fumes.
I’d overthink the menu. Try to time everything just right and then feel oddly restless once people were there, like I was responsible for making sure the night landed well. Even when I enjoyed myself, part of me stayed switched on.
Eventually, I realized that what I liked about hosting wasn’t the execution. It was the ease (and apparently, ease doesn’t come from doing more).
Some of my favorite gatherings have been the simplest ones. Takeout on the table. A pot of something that didn’t require much attention. No plan beyond being together for a few hours. The kind of night where no one cares if things are slightly messy or unfinished, because we’re just hanging out.
Hosting doesn’t have to mean creating a “moment.” It can just mean opening your door and letting people be where you are, as you are.
These days, I try to host in ways that feel sustainable. Food I actually enjoy making and a space that allows me to sit down. Enough structure to feel supported, but not so much that I can’t relax.
I’ve learned that people don’t come over for perfection. They come over for connection which tends to show up more easily when the person hosting isn’t stretched thin/drained.
Three Ways to Host Without Making It Stressful
1. Make one thing ahead of time.
Not everything. Just one anchor — a main dish, a salad, a dessert. Everything else can be store-bought or improvised. Having one thing done creates momentum and lowers the pressure.
2. Plan to sit down.
If your setup only works when you’re standing and fixing things, it can be too complicated. Choose food and timing that let you sit and be part of the gathering.
3. Let “good enough” be the goal.
Most people aren’t tracking the details you are. If the food is warm, the lights are soft, and you’re present, it’s working.
